so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Randomize
