I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
