these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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