If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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