I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
