Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
