By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
