either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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