i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
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