Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm passing your future prison.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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