Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
