She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
