I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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