If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
