please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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