So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
