lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Michael Bay diarrhea
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
