So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
