after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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