At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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