I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
