Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
bring money and cleavage
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
how drunk are you?
Several
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
