So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you inspire me to be a worse person
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
