Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
