fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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