is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
