Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
