You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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