her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
