Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The power of my boobs compel you
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