Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Is it because I queefed?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
