I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
