I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
