i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
