Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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