I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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