someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
