no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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