i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize
