Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
