so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
