i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
