Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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