She said her name was "party"
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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