Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
