I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
