how can u be prego again
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
