I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
