sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
