Already got asked if we're dating
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
