its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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