Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
