Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
